Today you would have been fifteen.
So how did we mark the date?
We dug a huuuge hole in the sand.
At the same spot you did when you were eight.
Armed with our rather large shovel,
We did what you loved to do.
We were exactly where we shared our last holiday,
So it felt like the perfect thing to do.
It was a perfect summer’s evening.
Very much like when we were here with you.
We dug until we could no more.
And then mischievously climbed in like you would do!
Although we had lots of fun,
And harnessed your energy, being bright and breezy,
The huge hole left by you,
Is of course very much far from easy.
The metaphor was abundantly obvious,
That with the hole the sand changed form.
A gaping void left without you,
And life having to find a new norm.
And the proximity to the shore line,
A symbol of life’s fragility.
That all of sudden the tide can wash things away,
Regardless of perceived stability.
Oblivious to the hidden meaning,
Eight year old you would have loved being at the beach.
And for us it was a poignant way,
To mark that you’re sadly out of reach.
But sadness wasn’t your style,
You were brave and bold and fun loving.
So we focused on the hole,
And kept on with our shovelling!
So happy birthday, Jess!
As always, we mix celebration of your life with immeasurable sadness.
But I’m thankful fo the 8 years we had you,
Your love of life, spirit and incredibly lovable madness :)
Birthdays now are a funny old thing,
A day of celebration and sadness all heaped together.
Of course we remember the greatness you were,
Whilst knowing painfully we’ll miss you forever.
Birthday memories include your delight at a 5am start,
A party or trip with your friends.
Muktitasking cards, gifts, visits and cake,
Metaphorically burning the candle both ends!
But of course time moves on,
You’d be a teen at thirteen!
Super cool and know your own mind.
So perhaps we’d see a change this year,
From chaos to a little more serene?
I’m guessing of course - it’s impossible to know.
It’s a hunch how you’d have felt and shined.
Memories fuse with speculation and become a big blur.
But your spirit lives on in my mind.
So whilst I fondly remember your very special day,
And the magnificence of all that was “You”.
I mourn so greatly that you never grew up,
To be the wonderful teen who we wish we still knew. ❤️
So this year is our 5th year of trips without being a 5. Five years of missed experiences and adventures. That said, as is always the case, Jess is always with us in spirit, and never more so that on our name spelling trips.
’I’ this year was a tricky one….. Iceland, Ireland? Far too straight forward; far too non Jess! So in true mischief making style, this year was about the London ‘Eye’. Seeing the bright lights and buzz of London was something Jess never got to experience, so it felt fitting for her to ride up high and see it all in one go from above.
As we steadily soared into the sky, we spotted plenty of famous landmarks, as well as a plethora of swanky apartments where she would have undoubtedly one day wanted to stay. We checked the flag at Buckingham palace to see if the King was in, tried to spot the 02 where we had been only the day before, tried to count the red buses and boats. It felt very much like the Where’s Wally books that Jess loved so much! It wasn’t lost on me that the trip round was over far too quickly; much the same as Jess’ time with us. And as we stepped off the wheel, Big Ben bonged 12 times – she’d have loved that; I can imagine Jess would have felt cheated by anything less! PM began (post mischief as well as the afternoon) and we wandered off past Westminster, Downing Street, Pall Mall and in search of food. Mischief making, after all, always was hungry work!
It has been four years since you’ve been gone, We miss you terribly, although we plod on. I can’t believe half your lifetime has since passed, And October 2019 was filled with our lasts.
This calendar date and the exact month leading to, Contain so many memories of what you went through. But your illness was short, for that I must give thanks. Your time on this earth was mainly filled with happiness (and pranks).
So instead of dwelling on this rather sombre day, I’ll try and reflect in a Jessica way. Be bold, be brave and move forward at pace, Everything you did felt like a race!
If I was tell you about day to day life for us now, I’d tell you we always carry you with us, somehow. Your love of sausage sandwiches is a new family tradition, And for each significant event there’s a Jess poem addition.
Your spirit is still warmly felt, and we have lots of pictures and your things, And you’re still always with me, in one of my rings. Oli’s back of martial arts, in memory of you, Your strength and your courage inspires all that we do.
Team Jess have raised lots, you’ve inspired so much good, So children like you can have a childhood like they should, Fundraising has filled so many of our days, Runs, writing books and other ingenious ways.
So although I can’t tell you, in person anyway, That your memories live on, every single day. If you can see us somehow, you’ll know how much we wish you were here, And how we will ALWAYS all keep you, incredibly near.
This year was our fourth year of holidays without Jess. Fourth – I can barely believe it. To honour this year’s spelling tradition, we decided the best way would be to repeat the phenomenal success of last year’s trip…. It was a double S in JESS after all! 😂
So back in Barcelona, we enjoyed all of our cosmopolitan faves from last year, together with a few new adventures too. The Barca B football match was perhaps a new highlight for all of the family, where we celebrated victory in our best Spanish with the locals. Jess would obviously have wanted a sporting shirt for the occasion (as became the tradition on our very first holiday as a family of 5), so we enjoyed choosing these with the boys too. But just to add balance, we also enjoyed a phenomenal trip up the mountains to Montserrat, where we reflected and remembered the fragility of life…. (And the Spanish mountain roads – not that that would have scared the fearless Jess!). In between, we loved all that life had to offer; the climate, the food, the environment and the company. And whilst the lack of Jess is still incredibly palpable, I hope we’re doing justice to her memory and all she would have loved to do. Her footprints never managed to make their mark on Barcelona, but her memories and spirit were with us all the way. ❤️
